Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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