He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
