Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
