Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
