just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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