she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
