I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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