My brain says no but my pants say off.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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