Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
