I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
