sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
