we're making bets on your personal life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
