I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize