we're chasing vodka with high fives
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
