I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
