member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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