She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize