I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Drake has all the answers
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
