so explain again why im purple
no
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
