I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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