I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize