do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
