Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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