I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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