doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
