Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
