When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
