I just saw a hot homeless man
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
