i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
