so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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