I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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