i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
