This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i out mim tonsoeep
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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