meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
