So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
