So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize