I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
