a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Panties = found
Randomize
