turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
