just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
