i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
