dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
