Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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