I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
