I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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