please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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