After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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