Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
