just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
do herpes really smell.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize