eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
