im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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