Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
