I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
