i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
