went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize