if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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