why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
