His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
