I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
