i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
