I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
