He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
