Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish you could order shots online.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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