I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
