i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
