I can text with my tongue
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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