the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
