before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
