just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
