Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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