Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize