So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
