and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
